What am I? An atheist? An agnost? I find it difficult to place myself somewhere in these belief regimes. But afterall why should I place myself somewhere? Obviously that would make me an agnost, but I want to live in this world with surety. A confusion-free,certain world. Thats where I want to live. Because I hate uncertainity. I dont know how it was for you, but I have spent a quarter of my life in an insecure world. Filled with doubts, tension and truths which never convinced me, but to which I was told to adjust with. Yes. I want to know the truth in its most crudest,basic and un-adultered form. Nothing less than that.
I have lost my faith in religion long back. The question now is about God.Does an entity called God exist? I wish with all my heart that He exists. I dont want to be an atheist. It is a pitiable condition, to be an atheist. It would be an extremely painful realisation that you dont really have someone to watch your back,or to make some of your seemingly impossible tasks or goals possible. There is always a limitation to human capabilities and to his belief in himself,whatever someone would say. It is a belief that someone all-powerful is up there that actually puts many of us to action. An atheist is a person who has lost one of his most valuable treasures-hope. I dont want to be that person.
It is often said that God works in curious ways and that his works are so unpredictable. It may not be His style to make himself revealed to me in a fashion that I prefer. And I hope I would meet Him soon in my journey, bumping onto me at the next turn. Then I will have my answers........ :-)
